I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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