I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Little spoons don't ask big questions
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
