I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
