I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize