i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Randomize
