Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
