She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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