Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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