This is not my ceiling
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
