if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
