carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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