I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
