Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
As shirtless as possible
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
