I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Well I just put wine in my tea
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
