I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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