i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
and she was petting her beer can
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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