I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
