he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
