those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
