I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
