Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Randomize
