Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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