You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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