Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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