she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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