i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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