things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
the day after is always just damage control
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
