I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
