even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
