I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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