Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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