hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
