How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
