this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
