It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
