Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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