I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
