please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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