he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
