We're like a lot better than the average bears
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
