Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
