i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
