oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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