tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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