good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
