did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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