ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
