i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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