I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
