I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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