i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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