did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I need moral support for this bender
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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