I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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