we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
