saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I've blown a few things in my day
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
