he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Randomize
