I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
