I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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