Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
